Throughout this two year process of adopting and becoming a mother there have been many thoughts of fears, assumptions, and concerns that I have had to deal with. There was always one fear that I had in the back of my mind that I prayed, hoped and wished wouldn't come true, but low and behold it did...and it truly was one fear that deep down I really thought woud not come true.
OK, so what was my fear.....First, I am actually embarrased to even say this fear out loud and to even have these feelings of hurt and disappointment toward family, frieds, and co-workers but I think its important to share this...I believe people need to be aware that no matter how a child is brought into a family it is still nice to have a shower given to the child...And no matter how much time or work it may take it will mean a great deal to the parent and child in the future, to have their family, friends and/or co-workers give them a shower that celebrated becoming a family...
No one gave Elysa a baby shower!!!!............
So, I have a few questions for folks out there.....
Are baby showers for the parent or the child?
Do you know someone who wasn't given a shower for thier first child?
Does having a child through adoption make it so different that people don't give them baby showers?
Even though no baby shower was given to us we will ALWAYS celebrate our becoming a family every year on the day we finally were able to hold Elysa!!! She was in our hearts long before that day but that was the day we offically became a family!!!
Not only will we celebrate becoming a family but every year we will thank her foster mom for taking such great care of her for 10months, the Chinese government for matching us with the perfect daughter for our family and her biological parents for concieving and giving birth to her so she could be a part of our lives forever!!!
7 comments:
Hi. I truely understand your feelings. The only little thing I got was somewhat of a shower from some coworkers during work. I got a cake & a ton of clothes but I barely had time to come and cut the cake. Only a few people could even come in the lounge to see me. So not a real shower. I too feel that it should have been for Siena my daughter and should have been given during non working hours. Oh well...guess I better be thankful for that much.
Maybe someone will come around.
I so feel your "pain". We have a 13 year old son that we adopted in 1995. No one gave us a shower. We adopted our daughter in April 2006. I had a small shower by the ladies in my church circle. But at the school I worked at and had been at for 9 years, they did NOTHING. Not even a card! And someone I thought was a "close" coworker that I hosted a shower for following my failed IVF cycle did NOTHING. It was one of the reasons I decided to leave that school this year. I was and still remain very, very hurt, sad and sometimes angry. And you should be too. Of all the showers I gave and attended in 9 years you would think we'd at least get one card. Nope. And my dh has been at his job since 1994 and THEY did nothing either. I don't get it! So be hurt, mad, sad etc. I'm here for ya!
Peae,
Donna
We lived in another state when we adopted our oldest so I did not have a "family" shower BUT the people I worked with gave me one and a friend had another. I did recieve gifts from friends and family back home that I would not have received if there had been a shower so I know they were thinking of us.
I do know when we adopted out second I had a "friend" ask another friend if she was going to give me a gift...stupid question as do not not welcome most babies with a gift of some type. My opinion on that one was if you need to ask someone KEEP your gift as I do not need it.
I am sorry that your family or friends did not "think" that you also would have enjoyed what others new moms take for granted!
BUT then so many still do not understand adoption...I think sometimes you have to be a adoptive mom to understand that it is the BEST thing that can ever happen to us!!!
Your little girl is adorable!!
Ohhh, I am sooo sorry! I attended a huge shower for my sister-in-law given by the family. It was lovely. She was about 9 months into her adoption. I was probably about 18 months into our adoption at the time. No shower was given by any memebr of our large family. It did really hurt me. Now, I do have a 6 children, BUT I only was given showers for the first and second child who are 23, and 22 now. No family attended shower number 2.
A friend did give me a shower for friends, but I was hurt that family did not celebrate my baby like they did my SIL's.
I will be the first to offer to give a shower to any of my dear loved ones who adopt!! A baby is a baby no matter how they arrive!
Hugs!!
Amy C
I'm so sad to read that nobody honored your new addition with a shower. My mom and I found your blog on the autumn dreams website and we'd love to get in touch with you and send a gift for little Elysa. She is just precious and an amazing blessing in this world. Please contact me when you read this message. I'd love to hear from you.
Beth in WI (new Mommy to Hope - Guangxi, China)
br.heut@gmail.com
OH TINA- I am sorry! We had discussed it then along the road never did- WE are awful
I do feel what you feel- when I adopted our two wonderful boys - neither time did we get a shower for them.........
Hi, I know the feeling. I was a foster mother for my first son for over 3 years, and I was finally able to adopt him when he was about 6 years old. No one at work did anything either. Which was hurtfull, as I had in 8 years participated in all celebrations, including giving gifts. And I was a single mother at that time as well. Now I am married, and we have added one biological child. And I live in a new state, new friends. I did recieve a shower for my second son from my church, however again, hardly any coworkers participated. To me it was more than getting gifts, it is sharing the special moments, no matter how your child joined your family.
So congratulation on your new Baby. May God bless your family in many ways.
Love, Another Mom who understands
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